Myah I've been going through a lot of doll drama lately. I'm annoyed with it all but I'm hoping I can just get through it. It sounds silly, especially when I have so many other problematic situations in my life right now but my BJD hobby is supposed to be my sanctuary from all those things you know??

To come on out with it, I've sold Shin and Akira. I've been getting a lot of flak lately about it... or more like... I've been feeling it. Jess made a big deal about it when I just had the feelers thread up and just didn't understand my point of view and then it all came crashing down from there. I felt like a bad guy in everyone's eyes you know?? Even if people are fine with it and understand why I did it... I don't know, I feel paranoid. I don't want to have to explain why I sold them a thousand times but I don't want to be judged as someone who doesn't truly love his dolls.

Now to explain why I sold them... I love Shin and Akira. They were my main two characters for an extremely long time until and were my main two dolls to get when I got into dolls. So when I got into BJDs.... after all the drama and grief Kaji gave me I felt at ease once I got Akira... However, Akira without Shin is like having half a chair to sit on... You need both sides and I couldn't wait. So I sold Akira's body and downgraded (a lot) to a cheaper body and then bought Shin in pieces from there. It all seemed great to begin with of course. I had my two favorites... but then I started to realize I had made a mistake. Neither of them were even near completion in doll form and since I quit my job it was going to be a VERY long time till I would be able to complete them since ((annoyingly enough)) they are two of my most expensive dolls to obtain ((to be completed they both need extremely rare/expensive bodies - Seirei Yugiri's body and an SD17 body)).

So with that said... Everything was difficult between them and I. Even if I got a pretty decent paying job I wouldn't be able to get their bodies for months and that's even if they show up on the marketplace. I never loved them less but I was frustrated that they were so close and yet so far away from where I wanted them to be and that I was completely unable to do anything about it. I went through this for a while but I didn't want to say anything cuz whenever someone decides to sell a doll it usually means you don't care about them/love them.

So anyway... This past meetup really got to me... I had such a hard time posing Akira and Shin and though they looked cool it was just... hard to deal with my insecurity and the nagging feeling I felt about how incomplete they were. Then I met a Euclase there that blew me away. He was gorgeous... Sooo pretty... and I was just very jealous that he was so complete feeling and so... cool.

So the whole time after that I thought a lot about him and about my dolls... I was very happy with Albel... and wondered why I felt so much happier about him than I did for my other two... and then I realized it was because he also, though without the right wig color, was basically complete and he posed well and he was just good and gave me no trouble. Then I was annoyed and thought about maybe selling Shin in order to get Akira to be complete... but even that amount wouldn't be enough to afford the right body and Akira would be devastated without him. Then after a lot of thinking I figured that I should start over...

I decided that I should start over with one whole complete doll that wasn't dependent upon another character ((and thus not dependent upon the existance of the doll that goes with that depended upon character)) in his/her story. This way I wouldn't be bothered that they didn't have their companion ((cuz they didn't have one lol)) and then when I have a job I can save up for everyone else in their complete form/with their significant other(s). If I did things this way, I can be happy with all my dolls and I wouldn't have to keep selling body after body after body to try and upgrade all the time.

So my original thought was to just get one of the solo characters that were already on my wish-list however I ran into a significant problem when doing this. I knew I wanted an SD or taller sized doll and I knew I wanted a boy however... all the solo boy characters' doll forms were either expensive, rare, or both... So then I decided that since Euclase was amazingly cool, beautiful, confidant, and independent I could make a new character to go along with that image and lucky me; there was a person on the market place selling one for just what I could afford if I sold Akira and Shin. So this was all going well... and I put up the sales thread for Akira and Shin... and waited for some offers... and while I waited I looked around at other dolls that could be considered for a solo character ((since the euclase sale thread was a bit of feeler...)) and found a couple and made solo images to go with them...

Unfortunately... by the time I started to get any offers on Shin and Akira... the Euclase I was planning for was taken down... and all the sudden all the other Euclases that were up for sale were out of my price range. I was a bit sad but I couldn't say I wasn't kind of seeing that coming ((I mean... why else would I have been looking at other dolls just in case?)). So then I started to look at other dolls and decided ((though begrudgingly)) upon Iplehouse EID Evan... A really odd choice but... he just called to me more than everyone else I was considering..

But anyway... so that's basically how things went... Now Akira and Shin are off to their new owner ((yes, they were both sold to the same person and thus still together~ yay!)) and Shin's body is on layaway to a really nice person in Russia. And now I have Evan on his way to me ((kind of... his status is still "before shipping")). The problem is though that I'm scared of how Jess will judge me... and consequently, how she may badly judge poor Tirnak ((my Evan's name)) due to the way she feels about my actions...

This also brings about odd feelings about the coming meets... when all the sudden the two dolls I loved so much are gone and replaced with a giant... lol

Oh.. and for the record... I wanted to explain my belief on my dolls and their spirits/souls/whatev... I believe that BJDs are advanced in this way. I treat all my toys that I love like I do people kind of. I talk to them sometimes randomly and just I dunno... treat them with love... Now I believe that if Snuffle Sniffles was ever lost... I could never get another one of him to replace him even if it was the same bear from the same company because his soul is trapped inside the original stuffed animal. However I believe BJDs to be different. Through the endless renewal that the dolls go through throughout their existence I believe that their souls are separated from the shell they reside in. They are constantly getting new wigs, new eyes, new faceups, new hands, upgraded bodies, and new heads and I really can't imagine that in this world of constant renewal, that with the renewal of the head all the sudden the soul dies. The BJD is much more complicated than a normal toy because they can be completely blank and empty and it's up to you, the owner, to decide what they will become... And it's through "becoming" that the doll begins to have a soul. It's through the owner's eyes that the doll comes alive and through the endless customization that the owner puts the doll through to achieve the image the doll is meant to become.

So in my view, a normal doll or toy that you would buy comes with a soul already. The soul is predestined and every single one is different. When you buy a doll and open up the box and you spend time with that doll and make memories with it you're spending time with the soul that is within the doll. The soul which you are constantly learning about but is outside of yourself. In contrast... With a BJD you start with a blank doll and create an image for the doll. You yourself find a soul for the shell that you've obtained. Whether you get a doll with an image you already thought out or you decide to explore what the doll will become, you are in charge of what the doll becomes because you know what the soul of the doll wants.

So with BJDs being so customizable the soul can ask you for anything. They may not like the style of clothing you dressed them in or they may want their face to look more mature or their body to be more slender but you're on a constant journey to help that soul find an avatar ((doll)) that is suitable for it... Thus, if you sell a doll who has a defined soul/character, you are always able to "bring them back" because the soul itself never left you... only the avatar in which it was contained has.

And when I talk about what the soul tells you... I'm speaking kind of metaphorically?? Like... when I put a shirt on Albel that doesn't suit him... He doesn't specifically tell me, "You maggot! How dare you put this on me!". I just get a feeling that it isn't right for him. So yah, I'm not crazy and hearing voices... There really just wasn't any easier way to explain that.

Anyway... This is waaaaaaayyyyyy tooooooo looooooooonnnnnnnggggg~!!! I'm done for now...